Friday, February 17, 2017

The emotional rollercoaster of debt

I am so eager to get off this ride!

This getting out of debt sure comes with a lot of emotional ups and downs!  Yesterday morning I was feeling 'okay' with how we were doing-or at least as okay as someone deeply in debt can even possibly begin to feel.  But by the evening, my emotions had completely changed.  You name it, I was feeling it...guilt, frustration, anger, fear, impatience.  My emotions were all over the board.  My DH, being ever so level headed, kept telling me to focus on the positives.  We are making progress, our bills are getting paid, we have a plan, we will get this done!  Still, some of those feelings persisted and caused for a restless night.  

I know that logically my DH is completely right, but I want this done sooner rather than later.  Yes, right now I am feeling very impatient with the journey.  I know my DH is doing all that he can do but I just don't feel that I am.   My DH keeps telling me that I am doing my part with my business and part time job.  Most of all he is happy that I am taking care of our geriatric dogs who are his babies.  I know my DH means well, but I still personally feel that my contribution is pathetic!  Maybe it's because up until recently I had always worked full time.  I told you my emotions were all over the board!  

This awful ride continued throughout the night.  About 3 AM I had all but convinced myself that I was going to go find a "real" job.  I was still am a licensed nurse and although it has now been 18 months since I left my full time position, I could go back into nursing.  Last Summer I worked as a camp nurse for a few weeks so I wouldn't say that my skills are completely rusty yet...not that handling bug bites, sprained ankles, homesickness, etc exactly requires all that much skill.  At least it looks somewhat good on a resume.  

Here it is morning and now with having consumed 3 cups of coffee,  this emotional ride has somewhat leveled off again.  The idea of pursuing another nursing job is now just a bad dream.  While I truly enjoyed my career for the 25 years I gave it, I was also more than ready to retire from it.  I will continue doing my part by doing just what I am already doing.  Unless anything changes, by May I should also be back to work at my seasonal job working as the registrar for a small local camp.  It will bring in extra snowball money and best of all, it is a job that offers me a lot of flexibility.  Whether or not I'll be needed to cover some nursing hours is yet to be determined.  They did pay me a small stipend (small being the key word!) for when I did do so.  I know that our snowball will pick up more speed in the months to come.

For those of you reading who made it this far, I commend you and thank you for hopping aboard!  If you feel comfortable or compelled to do so, please don't hesitate to share your own ride on this emotional rollercoaster of getting out of debt.  With all the ups and downs that comes with getting out of debt, we can all use some extra encouragement from time to time!


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